Bad, bad slave

Well, once again it has been a while since my last post…

While my wonderful work situation has most definitely contributed to this with me simply not having the time to do it or worse, being so tired that I have not even wanted to contemplate having to physically express any of my thoughts or feelings. The last “reason”, in my opinion, shows me the lack of dedication that I have shown my Master the past few weeks (my contact with Him has also been terribly lacking). I am very fortunate that He has been understanding  and forgiving but I am also aware that there will be some form of punishment when I get to see Him next weekend as there is a lesson I need to learn regarding sacrifice – no matter how tired I am, I should at least make some effort to communicate with Him.

I am not looking forward to the punishment, I don’t even know what it will be. What I do know is that I am already punishing myself for disappointing Him. The voices in my head have been constantly telling me that I am a terrible slave, I don’t deserve to be His or to receive His understanding for neglecting Him due to work – because according to the voices, that is exactly what I have been doing, neglecting Him regardless of the fact that work has “gotten in the way”…

I know that this is a self-defeating process since, who am I to continue punishing myself when He has seen fit to forgive me for the neglect – basically calling His decision into question which I know would definitely anger Him and that is something I do not want to do.

All I want to do is make Him happy and I will accept my punishment with grace but can someone please tell how to make the voices stop?

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