Even More Change

Very excited to say that I have found a new job! While it’s not near my Master, it’s a whole lot better than what I currently have & I can’t wait to start. 

The only trouble that I can foresee is the fact that I will now start an entirely new leave  cycle which means that my planned trip to see my Master in a few weeks may not happen. I was going to take 4 days off in the middle of February (2 before the weekend & 2 after) but that will obviously not be possible anymore since I won’t have accrued any leave by then. All I can hope for is that my new boss will allow me to take the Saturday off since it’s only 8 – 12 if I offer to work in the hours before hand or at a later stage.

If he says no, I am not quite sure what I will do! He seems like a reasonable enough person though so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Otherwise it will be a case of even more changes & even less sex…

Wow, that makes me sound like all I want from my Master is sex! To be honest, sex is a bonus – I’d be happy just to be able to serve Him properly & be in His presence. Yes, I am also a human being with carnal needs, so sex is definitely wanted as well. In fact, I’d be a very happy slave if my Master decided that He wanted to fuck my brains out 😉

So fingers crossed that I can go AND that my Master decides He’d like me to be His little cum slut…

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Once again, Kit has taken the words right out of my mouth… So true & I also wish others could understand it.

My Little Known Truth

After a week of illness I am back, and ready to tackle a subject I have been hesitant to touch on as of yet.

There is this misconception through out the vanilla community, women to be specific, that to be submissive is to declare a war on feminism. They believe that submission in one such as me means that I believe I am not the equal to men; that I believe my worth, intelligence and value as a worker or even as a human is less than that of my male counter parts.

To them I shake my little blonde head and smile indulgently.

I am by no means a weak woman. I know my worth to my family, my friends, and my employer. I know that in any vanilla relationship I am well worth any emotional upheaval I may put you through.

Just because I give myself over to…

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Sex & Changes

It has been a while since I blogged last – mainly because I had far too many conflicting emotions & too much running through my mind to even try. I won’t be discussing precisely what happened because it still hurts & because it is private, between my Master & I…

Let’s just say that the plans & the status quo have changed & I will not be moving to stay with my Master. He has His reasons & although I do feel rather betrayed, as certain promises were made & are now not being kept, I will do my best to trust in His judgement as I am supposed to.

For now, we are continuing with things as they are, which is going to be terribly difficult for me. I miss Him so much already and now my time with Him is going to be restricted even further. I am, unfortunately, a person who craves the touch of that special person, whether it’s sexual or not. It might seem selfish but I don’t know whether I can handle being separated from Him in this way, only to see Him once a month if I am lucky.

Added to the fact that I am a “tactile” person, I also have a fairly high sex-drive – which compounds my problem even further. I haven’t seen Him since November and I will only get to see Him in the middle of February again – I am worried that the moment I do see Him, I will forget all about wanting to serve Him & jump his bones like a complete raving, sex-starved lunatic. I have told Him this but I don’t know if He quite understands that while I say this in jest, I am also quite serious!

Yes, I do understand that it might be a turn-on for Him that I would want to do such a thing to Him

but the “deprivation” that will result in that happening is already driving me NUTS!

While I am allowed to ask my Master’s permission to have a bit of “playtime” for me, it’s just not the same without Him…

Screw Positivity!

Something happened today that I am not quite prepared to go into just yet but “fuck the world & everything in it!” would be a pretty apt description of how I am feeling at the moment… I know I will get over it – I’ve gotten over all the other (plentiful) “disasters” that have occurred in my life. I’m here, still alive & kicking but right now, I feel like it’s one of those days where I should just not have gotten out of bed!

Positivity

Well, I still haven’t heard about the job so I will be making a call tomorrow to find out what’s happening. Even though, the thought has crossed my mind that the reason I haven’t heard is because I didn’t get it, I am making a concerted effort to remain positive. If I haven’t gotten the job, it’s not the end of the world – I will just have to keep on trying!

Besides, I received a call today (from an employment agency that I had sent my CV to last year) to find out if I am still looking for something else since they would like to put me forward for a position they have been asked to fill & it pays more than the one I have been waiting to hear about… My Master said yes, I must go for it.

So if I haven’t got the other job, at least there is a chance that I should have another interview to go for soon! It’s not really too serious as to which one I get, since both are good jobs with decent pay – yes, one does pay more than the other which would be great but that’s not important. What is important, is that I would finally be where I belong!

With my Master, kneeling at His feet & able to serve Him as He deserves to be served…